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    Is it an affair
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  • Published: Apr 20th, 2007

Recently I was doing some research for a television program I’m working on, and I stumbled across a message board where a man was asking for advice.

Here’s how it goes —  he’s married and has a child on the way.   Several months ago he received an e-mail from an old high school flame.  She’s married with two children.  She says she’s a golf widow and he says his wife is a workaholic.  They start regular communication via e-mail.  The correspondence leans toward the validation of each other as well as sharing their hopes and dreams for the future.  They do not tell their respective spouses about this.  He asks the participants of the message board if this would be considered an affair.

After reading this, my immediate reaction was, duh? Yeah! If you’ve already stated that your spouse is not emotionally there for you, and you are now e-mailing someone to get the emotional support you so obviously crave – well then you’re putting your eggs in someone else’s basket.  I say – you all quit it!  For goodness sakes , he’s got a baby on the way.

So, is it an affair or isn’t it?

4 Responses to “Is it an affair”

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  1. Kim
    on Apr 20th, 2007
    @ 10:29 am

    uh, YEAH! Its an affair. Emotional cheating counts just as much as physical cheating.

  2. Deborah
    on Apr 20th, 2007
    @ 1:18 pm

    Good question. But I wonder, if he were writing the exact same things to a male friend, would we consider that cheating? When women speak to women it’s considered sharing and friendship. Why can’t a man and a woman do the same thing without the question of disloyalty/cheating coming up?

    Are we romance readers cheating on our spouses/other when we read all of these dreamy books with wonderfully, steamy sexuality/sensuality? Do you sometimes wisj your spouse would do the same thing as (fill in the blank with the hero’s name)? I know some will say it’s fantasy, but does that fall under “emotional cheating”?

    I don’t know, there are so many nuances in relationships, sometimes it seems as if simply saying hello to someone cute can get you into trouble.


  3. Maria Lokken
    on Apr 20th, 2007
    @ 2:08 pm

    Hi Deb – Interesting viewpoint. I think the only time you can “get in trouble” when saying hello to someone cute is based on your intention. Is one flirting when they say hello or they genuinely just giving a greeting?

  4. marisa
    on Apr 20th, 2007
    @ 4:43 pm

    Deb has an excellent point. If a man has a woman as a best friend (or vice versa) and confides in her and finds emotional support with her he may not be cheating. He may be getting a ‘different’ kind of support than he gets from his spouse/significant other.

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