We’ve all heard statements like “Oh, that would never happen,” or “A guy would never say that,” or “A guy would never think that.” Things like “What woman acts like that?” Or, “No modern woman in today’s world would ever put up with such crap.”
I’ve said before that a lot of this is because each reader approaches a story through their own personal little window on the world. They judge others by their experiences. And when someone acts outside that realm of understanding, the reader reacts negatively.
But I think more and more we hear statements like this because there are built in expectations in romance reading. It’s not that people don’t act a certain way (because really how can we possibly judge everyone by the same set of rules?) it’s that the characters aren’t acting or thinking the way we want them to. And there’s the rub.
It doesn’t really matter if the way we want our hero or heroine to act is realistic, stereotypical, or even ridiculous. We expect them to react the way we want, and when they don’t we sputter, roll our eyes and wag our fingers saying things like, “Oh please, this would never happen.”
Perhaps the biggest stereotype (in my opinion) is about men. They never talk about their feelings, can’t be too sensitive or caring because that puts a big question mark on their masculinity. And they never ever have these types of conversations with each other.
Conversely, when the characters behave in a way that gains our approval or agrees with our worldview, we nod our head and say, “This author got it right,” and “These are realistic characters.”
Romance is all about fantasy, escape and enjoyment. We want our heroes and heroines to be characters we enjoy reading about. People we can relate to. We wouldn’t opt to spend time with people who annoyed us in real life, so we certainly don’t want to spend several hours with them between the pages of a book.
Do you agree? Disagree? Do you think we as readers want certain stereotypes to prevail when it comes to the hero and heroine?
Learn more about Maya on her website.
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Stacy ~
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 6:20 am:
Hi Maya! You bring up a very interesting point, one I’ve never really considered, I’ll admit. Partially, yes I think it is true for many readers. We want what we want, i.e., the HEA, and some are less forgiving or open-minded about how to go about getting it. Probably the one that first comes to mind is an alpha male with a sensitive side. Let the guy cry or get all mushy and some readers are all up in arms about it.
In real life, people surprise you. The person who might have been that stable individual you can rely on suddenly isn’t there anymore. Or the selfish person who always takes the last of the coffee and never makes a new pot one day ends up being the first to give money when you’re collecting a donation for a sick friend. Life is not so easily written, so I guess we should be more understanding when the characters we read about can’t be pegged so easily. Personally, I find these differences fascinating. It’s true, we do put our own slant on things. Of course we might have been brought up differently, so our values and circumstances shaped how we think and what we believe. We might get irritated with those who think a different way than we do, but that doesn’t make their opinions any less valid.
So Maya, what can you tell us about “Amber Eyes”?
Marisa
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 7:55 am:
Welcome Maya, so glad you could be with us today!
Honestly? I want what I want and I want it now. I definitely bring all of my baggage to the table when I’m reading a book. And my own personal history colors the way I respond to a character or a story line. However, there have been times when I’ve been open minded enough to get past something a character has done that I did not expect/or a story line that strikes me as odd; or in other words, doesn’t reflect back to me the world I live in or the experiences I’ve had. When that happens, more often than not, I’m surprised and some times I even learn something. Mostly about myself.
When a beloved character does something I did not expect (and I won’t mention any names here) OR when an author, heaven help us, does something like KILL a character – I must admit there are many times I have thrown a book across a room and turned on an I Love Lucy rerun just to center myself. I am the type of reader who will give a book a second chance and re-read it in a new unit of time. I’m happy to say, the second time around I’m usually enjoying the twists.
Kimber Chin
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 8:49 am:
I so agree.
I’ve heard so many authors say ‘men don’t talk much.’
B.S.
My current release, Invisible, has a hero who is a former auctioneer.
You bet your bottom dollar, he talks, and talks, and talks.
My hubby is a salesguy.
He even talks in his sleep.
I can have a half hour conversation with him and not say a single word.
And yes, I second Stacy’s question, please give us some dirt on Amber Eyes!
Kati
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:00 am:
Hi Maya! What an interesting idea. I hadn’t really thought about it.
As far as characters behaving in a way that is true or untrue to their characters? I think it depends on my investment as a reader in the character and the writer’s ability to make me believe it. For example, if Nora Roberts were to all of a sudden have Eve Dallas go on a killing spree? That would be the end for me as a reader. I am *deeply* invested in Eve and I think that adds a lot of pressure to Nora to make Eve’s actions ring true and be genuine. The pressure must be intense!
Likewise, I’ve heard many readers of Laurell K. Hamilton bemoan the fact that the Anita Blake character has changed so much throughout the books. For me, I wasn’t invested enough to care. But I do get their complaints.
For me, I think it’s incumbent on the author to MAKE me believe the character’s justification for doing what they’ve done. if they’re able to do that, then I’ll buy most things as a reader. I may not be happy about it. But I’ll buy it.
Lisa Freeman
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:09 am:
Hi Maya! I’ve read some books that annoyed me when the character didn’t have consistent traits. Like a strong, assertive, high profile femal executive couldn’t make a decision in her personal life.
I certainly agree that we want to spend our reading time with characters we can enjoy and up to a point, even relate to, even if they’re doing something we only fantasize about!
Maya Banks
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:10 am:
ai yi yi y’all have to forgive me, I’m so not with it this week. Can’t keep my head on straight to save my life! I did want to offer some free books to commenters here *g* I uhm just forgot to tell Marisa what exactly. (I’m surprised she hasn’t fired me heh) So first of all, I’ll offer an E-Arc of Amber Eyes to one commenter, and I’ll also offer winner’s choice of my print backlist, so I’ll draw two names.
Maya Banks
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:11 am:
Marisa, the one thing an author can do that’s guaranteed to lose me forevah is kill off a main or even major secondary character. I carry grudges like that
Maya Banks
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:13 am:
Kati, for me personally, there is a big difference in characters acting in accordance with their character and for their CHARACTER to be what people say is unrealistic. Am I making sense? Once an author has established the character arc for a hero or heroine then yeah, having them arbitrarily act out of character is a little bizarre. But to state that components of their character isn’t realistic because it doesn’t fit with our worldview isn’t entirely fair even if it is natural. I’m guiltly. No doubt.
Maya Banks
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:17 am:
as for dirt on Amber Eyes
Amber Eyes is the sequel to Golden Eyes, which is available at Loose ID. Amber Eyes will release from Samhain on March 10th. For those who may have read Golden Eyes, Kaya, the heroine of Amber Eyes, is the “lost sister” from Golden Eyes. Here’s a blurb:
Their final mission will be to win her love.
A beautiful, vulnerable woman appears at the high country cabin where Hunter and Jericho live between assignments. They are captivated by their stunning, reticent visitor and vow to protect her—and uncover what she’s hiding. Neither is prepared for the unbelievable. Their beautiful innocent is a cougar shifter who’s spent a lifetime alone.
In the shelter of their love, Kaya blooms, finally willing to trust—and embrace her humanity again. Then Hunter and Jericho are called away on a mission that goes terribly wrong. Now, pregnant, and alone once more, she must find her way in a world she doesn’t belong to—and hope that the two men she loves will find their way home.
I have a couple coming soon in the near future
The Tycoon’s Rebel Bride (Theron’s story) release officially in May from Silhouette although it’ll go on sale April 1 at eharlequin. And Sweet Persuasion (Damon’s story) releases June 4th from Berkley HEAT.
WendyK
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:40 am:
Hi Maya!!!!
I completely agree. It’s really a double-edged sword. Say you write story with a heroine who’s been abused in a certain way and the reader went though that as well, well they’ll expect certain things, however they may not have reacted as everyone would have. So you have to be careful how you handle things.
But I think too that romance readers are willing to allow more humm not sure of the wording but they are more open than other genres seem to be.
Does that make sense? I do think we expect certain sterotypes and we expect certain mannerisms. So if they are southern then they better have some southern charm and such. But at the same time I think as romance readers we are more open to allowing authors to take us places we’d normally never go.
Great post!!!!
hugs,
WendyK
highlandlovesongatyahoo.com
Valerie Tibbs
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:49 am:
Hi Maya! Great topic – and I totally agree. I read books because it’s an escape, same thing for movies. I read and watch to be entertained. If I want reality, I’ll watch the news – which totally depresses me.
Having characters who behave out of the ‘norm’ is fine – that’s why it’s fiction and not an autobiography. When you think about it, the books that are popular – shifters, vampires, etc… how can any of those be ‘normal’? But we love them, they take us to a new world. Even for a little while. The job, kids, laundry, idiot bosses, etc… will still be there. But for those 200 pages or so, you get to be someplace else.
*squeezy hugs*
Valerie
april s
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 9:52 am:
Maya, I definately can agree with you. I think for me reading about how a woman’s escaped a bad relationship or a woman has dated but never found true love until the story I’m reading lets me hopes and makes the story special. It’s like bringing some of my life into the story and so I guess I am open to reading the whole story before judging the author
Hopefully Im making sense…….I wouldnt expect to see , for example, the woman who has been hurt before by love professing her love within the first two chapters-that would make me stop and rethink reading the book . I just think as someone who consumes HUGE amounts of books , that I know what I would be open with to accepting and what I wouldnt.
This was a fantasic post , Maya
I’m super excited about Amber Eyes hitting in just a few weeks….AND of course the TRB and SP are also on my list too…thank you for putting up a great post!!
Kelly
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 10:44 am:
I have read many romance stories over the last 30 years and in the beginning I seem to gravitate to the same style of hero/heroine, story lines and authors. Several years ago I found several different lines, genres and styles that I never tried…until then. I found my tastes have expaned but I still tend to want certain common denominators in the story…HEA of course…but I also want to see the hero/heroine grow in their own emotional state but also grow with (and in some cases on) each other.
I don’t want to read about a heroine that I wouldn’t want to sit and have coffee. But there are times you have coffee with someone new and before that last sip you wonder what ever possessed you to sit down. By the same token I have sat down with someone out of guilt or obligation and they have become someone I’m glad I met. I’ve done the same with books…picked up one from a favorite author and later wondered why…or bought them on someone elses recommendation and then went back and picked up all their back issues too.
Life is a crap-shoot…so is reading. But if you aren’t a bit open and tolerant, you could really miss out on some wonderful friends and books. I haven’t always finished ever book I’ve picked up but I’ve added lots of auto-buy authors over the years too.
As for you Maya, I picked up your first book because of Jaci Burton…lord that woman has lead me along some interesting paths…in the case of reading your books what a fantastic find and I owe both of you a debt of gratitude…her for leading me to your books and you for giving us your wonderful characters…I have enjoyed every one of your books because you deliver (the emotion, H/H growth and the HEA) and I can’t wait for your upcoming books.
Brandy W
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 11:56 am:
I think a degree I want stereotypes but I don’t mind reading something different every once in a while. It may very well take me to another author or genre or I may find that I like what I didn’t before. I love the fantasy and the “that so couldn’t really happen” aspect. I know its a book and not real life not matter how much I think I might want it to be. I do think that you need to connect with the characters somehow though whether you can relate to their plight or the setting or just whatever.
Well crap lost my train of thought even if it wasn’t going anywhere straight. Ugh
azteclady
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 12:23 pm:
*nodding my head* yes, yes, yes!!!
*waving* Hello, Ms Banks!
*nodding some more*
Thank you for articulating it like this. I have thought about this, in different terms, for a long time. In fact, I appreciated very much when Jane at Dear Author wrote about reader baggage, because indeed it’s who we are that most informs our enjoyment and appreciation of what we read (or watch).
On the other hand, I think that truly skilled writers can (and do) weave characters whose actions and reactions the reader can believe in, even if they are different from their own life experience. It’s rare but oh lord so amazing, when one can say, “I would never do that, but it makes perfect sense that (so-and-so character) would do it”
Karin
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 1:30 pm:
Hi Maya!
I think it would be hard for a reader not to bring along their expectations to any story they read. However, I know that even when I apply my expectations I can be pleasantly surprised by a character who steps away and does something I wouldn’t expect from them. Most people act out of character at least once or twice in their life. I know I have just to see what people would say about it, though what I’ve done is pretty tame compared to most. So, I think it can be fun to read about people who aren’t fully what I expected or do something unexpected.
What is most important for me, though, is whether or not I could sit down with that character for a cup of tea or something and whether I care enough about the character to even think about that. If either of those elements is absent, the character just doesn’t matter enough to me to really care how they’re acting and whether or not it’s what I expected as I wouldn’t be expecting much from them.
orannia
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 2:28 pm:
HI Maya *waves*
Great topic! I will freely admit to bringing (as Marisa so beautifully put it) baggage to the table….loads of it
I want that touch of reality to the characters, not perfect simulations of the current fashion. But as Kati said, if an author can justify a character’s action or state of mind, then I’ll keep reading. I don’t object to characters growing (actually, I get frustrated if they don’t – I want a character to learn from their mistakes..or to at least think about them), but that growth needs to be….organic (not sure if that is the right word)?
And can I just go all fan girl for a moment and gush please? I finished Be With Me last week and really enjoyed it. I really liked how you had the characters work out whether they wanted to be together!
Renee
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 3:23 pm:
I love this discussion. I read romance 100% of the time for escapism. I am very openminded about the story and yes I can see bringing my own biases into the picture but I can’t remember a time when I have ever put down a book because of my bias. I have stopped reading because the book/characters didn’t connect with me. I have even put a book down because I realized I just wasn’t in the mood to read that kind of story but then I usually go back to it when I am in that kind of mood again.
Great topic.
Maya Banks
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 5:48 pm:
Hey guys, thanks so much for stopping by. I’ve loved reading all your responses. And Orannia, thank you
Im so glad you enjoyed Be With Me!
Larena Wirum
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 6:49 pm:
Personally I read books not looking for reality but because they take you to another place or time. I read for fun.
Rhonda
on Feb 24th, 2009
@ 8:41 pm:
Hi Maya!
Great topic. I certainly think we bring our own expectations to our reading. A big part of what makes or breaks a book is how things are handled. I totally agree that reading is about escape and fantasy but I also want a book I can get lost in and for me that means a book where the characters do things that are in charcter for them. Your Be With Me and Stay with Me were both GREAT books and the charcters all stayed true to themselves the way you wrote them.
Maya Banks
on Feb 25th, 2009
@ 7:48 am:
Brandy and Stacy, if you guys will email me offlist at mayaATmayabanks.com. You two won by random draw
azteclady
on Feb 25th, 2009
@ 10:29 am:
Congrats, Brandy and Stacy!
Thank you for visiting, Ms Banks!
orannia
on Feb 25th, 2009
@ 3:55 pm:
Congrats Brandy & Stacy!
Elizabeth Amber
on Mar 1st, 2009
@ 8:02 pm:
Hi Maya, Interesting blog. You’re right about the fact that our personal life experiences life shape our expectations. That’s probably one of the reasons some people enjoy a book that others don’t. Though I guess there are some expectations for the behavior of heroes/heroines that we collectively embrace or reject. Books that meet those expectations probably tend to be more popular.