I’m going to start with the most obvious for all moms.
1) I hunt down monsters. I am wicked good at closing closet doors and pulling little bodies to safety into the “big” bed as they pad their way blindly through the night.
This skill does not come without its costs. To earn it you must conquer mountainous amounts of laundry, endure ear-piercing whines, and brave the perils of cleaning a bathroom that would make Dirty Jobs star, Mike Rowe, cry. And, of course, there was the actual childbirth process, which is a bit like being held by your ankles and slammed repeatedly into a wall.
But that monster hunting thing…it makes it all worth it.
2) Things around me explode. Happened just yesterday as a matter of fact. After a long jog on the treadmill (have to keep in shape for that monster hunting), I popped a burrito into my combination convection/microwave, threw some laundry into the washer and went upstairs for a shower. When I came out, the house was filled with smoke. Being the fearless protagonist I am, I quickly threw on demon-fighting gear (ratty sweatshirt and workout pants) and flew down the stairs. After a quick check to make sure my canine companions (daemons of a sort) were unharmed, I grabbed a shield (tea towel) and jerked open the microwave door. My greatest fears were realized—the burrito was ash. Poisonous (okay stinky) smoke poured from the appliance, but for the love of my pets, I braved it. With the towel wrapped around my hand to protect my petal-soft skin, I grabbed the dish and deposited it on the stove top.
This is when the worst happened. The attack of the Pyrex. The dastardly thing exploded—surely programmed by evil forces to do so just as I was at my most unprotected. Shards of glass flew around the kitchen, littering my floor and endangering my dogs’ unprotected paws. But there was no time to slow down, no time to clean the potential land mines from my floor—for the burrito still smoked! Regardless of my own safety, I rushed to the back yard, pulled back my arm and tossed the smoking bomb of death into a nearby pine.
It lies there still, waiting, lurking…probably still smoking.
3) I am a shape shifter. I should probably not be admitting this here. We have all read the stories of what happens to “differents” when their powers are revealed. Heroes anyone? But it is undeniable and something I have been able to do for a long time.
It first became apparent to others when I was dating my husband. At home or for a quick trip to Wal-Mart I looked like a trucker—if a somewhat petite one. Ball cap, old jeans and an oversized T shirt. NO makeup or a thing done to my hair.
But take me out at night and Voila! People passed me by unrecognized.
My husband was shocked. Probably most that I actually spent 90% of my time in trucker mode, but still shocked.
Now, the shape shifting is even more regular. I go from mom, to writer, to mom every single day. And then for book signings, meetings, etc. I become “author.” Author wears makeup, shaves her legs and wears clothes that were not just retrieved from the top of the hamper. She also wears real shoes—you know with like heels and stuff.
My power is weakening though. As the years go by it is getting harder and harder to slip by someone without them realizing I was the mom sitting on the bike next to them at the Y. And my husband has gotten completely immune to my shifts. But it is still a power I cherish and strive to use only for good.
So, that is how my life is most like a paranormal romance novel. How about you? What evils have you battled and survived today?
To be eligible to win a Nocturne book please go to Lori’s page on the Harlequin web site and answer this question: How does Lori get her excercise?
You can also visit Lori’s website for more info.
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Denise Lynn
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:03 pm:
Oh, man, that’s where I’m messing up — that whole leg shaving thing.
Great blog, Lori. Have fun!
DeniseL
Maria Lokken
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:21 pm:
Denise – I was totally stuck on Lori’s leg shaving thing as well. My razor only sees the light of day in the summer months… need to keep my legs warm during the winter.
Tara Gavin
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:21 pm:
Hi, Lori, I loved reading your blog! Its so true, so true, especially the shape-shifting. As your little ones get older, if you have girls, shape-shifting goes to more extended proportions. Suddenly clothes disappear, make-up just vanishes and shoes, well forget them– they are gone forever. Therefore, you have to go on an expedition through a room where nothing makes any sense–I call my daughter’s room “the bat cave”–and find new clothes and shoes and wind up with a whole new look.
Take care…Tara
romancequeen
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:25 pm:
Hi Lori – I’m a huge fan of your books! Your blog is hysterical.
I think I shapeshift most at work. From being superwoman to super clock watcher. Sometimes the days just never end.
BTW – you get your exercise by spinning. I tried spinning once – it just wasn’t for me. I prefer the treadmill… I’m a walker.
Can you tell me something about Dark Crusade?
Destiny08
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:27 pm:
Lori – I’m a mom shapeshifter. Sometimes I’m the nice mommy, and other times… Well let’s not get into that!
Answer – you get your exercise by spinning
Suze Leons
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:30 pm:
Hi Lori -
Gotta say I loved The Vampire who Stole Christmas. Drystan was quite the hero.
Harriet
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:35 pm:
Hi Lori!
I just read on your website about your upcoming book Amazon Ink – sounds very interesting – I’m definitely looking forward to the release. In my experience Urban Fantasy tends not to have a HEA – is that true with this book?
And you get your exercise by spin class.
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:40 pm:
On the leg shaving, I have a paranormal question that has been pounding around in my brain on that. What happens when a female werewolf shaves her legs? Do you think when she shifts they stay shaved? hmm??? Any experts want to brave an opinion? That could just be embarrassing!
Tara, my daughter is already at that stage! It is a good thing I don’t go out as “author” too much because my heels are constantly disappearing. Her ability to walk around in them (in the house only) at the age of ten is a bit disturbing…And SOCKS! I am thinking of making the next birthday party a find-the-missing-socks scavenger hunt.
romancequeen–sounds like you have the ability to stop time…I do that too, funny it only works when you want time to go faster!
Dark Crusade is the story of two characters from Guardian’s Keep. At the end of that book the rogues and a witch were sent through a portal to an unnamed location. Dark Crusade picks up when one of the rogues (Kerr) and that witch (Heather) come out the other side. Here is the back cover copy:
Exiled rogue shapeshifter Kerr Vik once saw being transported to Gunngar as a fresh start. Until the one person he most regretted leaving behind—captivating witch Heather Moore—stumbles through the portal…and finds herself right in the middle of a witch hunt. Heather has courageously come to Gunngar to redeem herself. But Kerr knows that if she braves it alone…she will die. He must somehow send her back through the portal. And it’s not long before a collision of truth, love and duty complicates Kerr’s mission by forcing him to choose sides: should he save this forbidden love or protect his honor?
Destiny08, I hear you on the nice mommy thing. Every morning I give out a big ole sigh after I shut the door behind my little darlings when they head to school. Another morning survived–it’s a beautiful thing.
Lori
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:44 pm:
Thanks, Suze. The Vampire who Stole Christmas was a bit different from my other Nocturnes. So, I’m especially glad to hear you enjoyed it.
Harriet, Thanks! I guess it depends on your definition of HEA. I would say it has an “emotionally satisfying” ending. (That’s a quote from an RWA Rita category requirement.)
Lori Devoti, paranormal romance and urban fantasy author » Blog Archive » Blogging right now at Romance Novel TV
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 12:47 pm:
[...] Three reasons my life is like a paranormal romance [...]
Jeanmarie
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:01 pm:
Hi Lori –
Hmmmm…I like the RWA’s definition of Urban Fantasy – but it doesn’t always seem to fit the bill. From the urban fantasy I’ve read, I don’t always get a happy ending or emotionally satisfying ending, but I’ve liked many of the stories I’ve read, so I will most assuredly check out your new book.
Maria Lokken
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:03 pm:
Lori – I think the female werewolf will have to be sure she carries a razor with her at all times because I suspect ‘hairy’ comes with the territory.
Becky9
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:06 pm:
I haven’t been here in a while, but I noticed on Facebook you were having a Harlequin Nocturne celebration. I am a big Harlequin reader. I haven’t tried the Nocturne line yet, I guess because it’s taken me a while to try the paranormal thing. But it seems that should be my next purchase. Frankly, I feel like a paranormal virgin.
Marisa
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:18 pm:
Hey Lori!! So glad you’re here, back at RNTV. Your blog had me spitting out my coke on my keyboard. Note to self, don’t read Lori’s blogs while drinking liquids.
Ok, Me? Well I too am a shape shifter and now that it has a name I don’t feel so bad about being half slovenly pig and half dressed for buisness shifter. Yes. I’m part of a pack and I didn’t even know it.
Becky – you should definietly give the Nocturne line a go – it’s a great paranomrmal line with fantastic authors. Best thing, every month, something new, new authors, new story lines, new paranormal take on the sub-genre.
Chareene
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:19 pm:
Hi Lori -
I think my paranormal activities are confined to playing soccer with my kids. I’m able to leap, run, kick and still manage to be alive and breathing at the end of the game.
Answer: You spin — don’t we all?
Olivia
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:24 pm:
Hi Lori,
This blog got me to thinking and what do you know, I also have paranormal kind of life. I hunt monsters, I shape shift and I also grant wishes. Every time my boss wishes for something, no matter how difficult it might be to obtain, why, I grant his wish. So I guess you could say I have fairy godmother like powers. No wings, but the ability to make things happen even when the odds are against it.
answer = spin class
Elana Brown
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:26 pm:
Hi Lori – You like to spin. I LOVE spinning. Although, when the weather is warm I take my bike outside and go for miles. Great way to take the edge off.
I do have one paranormal trait. I usually (7 out of 10 times) know who is calling when the phone rings. And no, I don’t have caller ID.
Donna S
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:27 pm:
Your books sound great.
The answer is Spinning.
Laura
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:33 pm:
Hello Lori,
You had me at “I hunt down monsters”. I can relate. But, I am sure like me you wouldn’t change a thing about it. Motherhood is more so an adventure than any book, and we can live it! How blessed are we? And the really cool thing, the husband finds my sweats and ponytail a turn on. I’m still laughing. Oh yea, you spin.
Debbie Mumford
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:34 pm:
Who knew I was a shapeshifter? *lol*
I especially appreciate your distinction between “writer” and “author”. I always wondered what the difference was…
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:43 pm:
Jeanmarie–that’s RWA’s definition for book with “romantic elements.” Sorry if the way I said that was confusing. I think all the urban fantasy I’ve read left me emotionally satisfied though…but I definitely don’t need the classic romance HEA in those books.
So, Maria, you’re thinking were hair would sprout right out? Makes sense, especially if you are of the “fast healing” school.
Becky9, Nocturne is a great place to start when looking for paranormal romance. There is a lot of diversity in the type of stories–vampire, demons, hellhounds, fey–but a consistency too–dark, sexy with alpha heroes. The best mix!
Marisa, thanks. It’s nice to get the funny out every now and then. It can kind of build up…not pretty.
Chareene, you have me beat there. I could probably kick the ball if it was sitting still, but after that I’d be a goner.
Olivia, See, we all have some paranormal protagonist in us!
Elana, I love spinning too. Unfortunately I decided hauling myself to the gym was cutting into my time too much. Thus the treadmill. The treadmill gets the job done, but lacks the rush I got from spin class.
Thanks, Donna!
Vivi Anna
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:45 pm:
Lori, OMG, we both battle monsters. I knew there was a reason we got a long.
Great blog!!
Rachel
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:46 pm:
Great post. I’ve always thought there was something paranormal about you…
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:47 pm:
Laura, Motherhood is something you have to experience to understand. I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter people telling me I wouldn’t believe it–they were right. It is insane how much you love the little buggers.
Debbie–you see “authors” at RWA National. It is a hoot. We’re all there strapped into our spanks, sporting fake hair, and wearing shoes that make our eyes water. The funniest part is at home we are all the same sweat-wearing writers. So, who are we trying to fool…?
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 1:48 pm:
Thanks, Vivi and Rachel!
Laura
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:07 pm:
Thank God for Spanks!!
Ann Christopher
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:08 pm:
So … wait.
The burrito was RUINED?
Did you cry?
Why has no one else expressed concern about the burrito???
Barbara J. Hancock
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:09 pm:
This was great to read today… after I braved my mother’s refrigerator with my own weapon(Clorox). You had me chuckling big time, Lori.
Just when I was feeling slightly exhausted and overwhelmed, you made me feel like an action heroine!
Kristina Cook
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:26 pm:
OMG, I’m a shapeshifter too, and I didn’t even realize it! (wipes away tear of joy) It explains so much!
And yes, your blog definitely should have come with a beverage warning! I’m cleaning Cherry Coke from my screen right now…
And you’re totally right about ‘authors’ vs. ‘writers.’ When I’m in writer form, I wear sweats or yoga pants, t-shirts, hoodies, and scuffy Uggs or flip-flops. Hair isn’t necessarily coiffed and makeup is unheard of. But in author form, I don crisp business casual, shoes with heels, and wouldn’t DARE step out without makeup properly applied and coiffed hair! My mom form is a mixed bag–depends on whether I’m ‘mom at home’ or ‘mom at kids’ school.’ ‘Mom at home’ resembles ‘writer’ and ‘mom at kids’ school’ looks very much like ‘author.’
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:27 pm:
Luckily, Ann, I keep Amy’s in business. There were about 10 little replacements waiting to go right back into the silver box of death.
Barbara, anyone who cleans any refrigerator is totally my hero!
Lori
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:30 pm:
Ooo, Kristina, I have what I cal “Madison mom” apparel too. You have to live here to understand that–but is not the same as say “Little Rock mom” or even “St. Louis mom”.
Karin
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 2:51 pm:
Hi Lori!
Your story about the burrito was really funny, but I was concerned about the flying glass. I’m hoping none of it got you and that it didn’t end up embedded in any paws. With your mad monster hunting skills, I’m sure you can take on what’s left of the burrito…eventually.
I don’t do much shapeshifting, but I’m fairly successful at it when I do. People really don’t recognize me. It’s let to some pretty funny experiences. For example, a few years ago I was out with my brother (only a year older) and some of his friends when a guy I had graduated high school with (about 5 years before) walked up and started talking to my brother. I happened to be standing just to the right of my brother leaning against a pole and watching the hockey game on the big screen tv behind the bar. Of course, I was eavesdropping and heard the guy tell my brother to tell me hi. My brother, trying not to laugh, told the guy to tell me himself since I was standing right there. The guy didn’t but just said ‘bye’ and left. My brother and I laughed about that the rest of the night. And the best part, the only difference in the way I looked that night and the way I looked in high school is that I was wearing glasses that night and hadn’t needed them in high school.
The answer to the question: Lori gets her exercise by going to spin class.
sara hurt
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 3:01 pm:
Great post. I am a fellow monster hunting too. Those dag blasted closet monsters are insane sometimes. Spinning is a great form of exercise, so glad to see you stick with it, I couldnt. lol
Barb P
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 3:20 pm:
Hi Lori! Great Blog and I absolutely love your series! I couldn’t help but laugh and say ” OH! It’s soo true ” and ” That happens to me too “. The answer to your question is TOTING KIDS AROUND AND GOING TO SPIN CLASS. Can’t wait for Dark Crusade. Have a fantastic day.
Jody F.
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 3:24 pm:
Along with the different mom personas, there’s also the dating someone-single personas. When I’m in a dating relationship I always make sure to shave my legs and put on make-up. When I’m in a single person phase, I don’t bother as much with how perfect I look.
And the answer to your question is…….Lori gets her exercise by going to spin class.
Maureen Child
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 3:31 pm:
Lori, that was a fabulous post! And so very true….
Lori Devoti
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 3:47 pm:
Karin, I’m hoping my husband’s arch enemies, the voles, have taken care of whatever is left of the burrito…
Sara, yes. And they are stubborn. You would think once you had beaten a few thousand times, they would quit coming back!
Barb, Thanks for the kind words on the Unbound series.
Jody F, Ah, yes…that single person thing is LONG behind me…child bride and all that.
Maureen, Glad you can relate…I think…OK glad for me, sorry for you.
Margie
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 9:41 pm:
Hi Lori! Wonderful post! I really love your books!
Answer: you get your exercise by toting kids around and going to spin class
Sonya Hucks
on Feb 17th, 2009
@ 11:21 pm:
spin class
Deborah
on Feb 18th, 2009
@ 12:06 am:
Hi Lori! Great post! I couldn’t help but laugh at your blog! So true!
Answer: you get your exercise by going to spin class
Marie
on Feb 18th, 2009
@ 1:51 am:
Answer: Spinning
Blodeuedd
on Feb 18th, 2009
@ 2:17 am:
Answer is spinclass.
Love the post, so funny
The evils I fight are the horrible dustmonsters, and the feared haircreature in the drain. That one does try to drown me now and then, but I take my trusted toothbrush and go out hunting and slay monsters. I am the haircreature slayer of my generation
Marisa
on Feb 19th, 2009
@ 6:55 pm:
Thanks so much for spending the day with us Lori, it’s always great to have you visit.
Thanks to everyone who joined us. Maria and I put the names in a hat and the lucky winner is Sonya Hucks. Sonya, please send your snail mail address to alphamail@romancenovel.tv and we’ll mail you your book.