HOW NOT TO KILL YOUR DARLINGS…WRITING WITH CHILDREN UNDER FIVE

You are reading...

Author: admin
Published: Jan 24th, 2008

By Christine Wells and Susan Seyfarth

Christine: They cry, they throw tantrums, they need to be fed every three hours—and their children are a lot of work too. Moms who write must be crazy, but then all writers are a little mad, aren’t they? When you can’t even go to the bathroom by yourself, how do you find time to write?

Susan: I hear that. I haven’t been alone in the bathroom in almost five years. It’s like I gave birth and suddenly my body was public property. So I learned to write while nursing. (Not easy but possible and very effective.) But what happens when the precocious little tyke grows up a bit and learns to read? Just when I put a lid on my internal editor, I have a toddler hanging over my shoulder, sounding out words like manhood and heave. (What can I say? I write extremely bad first drafts.)

Christine: LOL, Susan. What a great vocabulary to take to kindy. I couldn’t get the hang of writing while nursing but I wrote a lot of Scandal’s Daughter with my first son on my lap. The Dangerous Duke was a much bigger challenge, with two of the little darlings. It nearly killed me, and I’m never doing without a babysitter again. You see, I was so in love with my gorgeous baby, the only person I could let mind him was my own mother. Can you say ‘control freak’? Never again.

Susan:So what’s a mom with a deadline to do? Well, we have some ideas. Here for your reading pleasure, are our favorite little nuggets of wisdom, gleaned from the production of 4 books and 4 children over the past five years.

Top Ten Tips for Writing with Wee Ones Underfoot

Christine: Sleep every second night. This was my deadline strategy while writing The Dangerous Duke. I’d write until 3 a.m. one night, then get up again at 5 a.m. to struggle through the day. The next night, bed as soon as dinner was over. Actually, I don’t really recommend this except in extreme circumstances. It sent me a little loopy.

Susan: Invest in a sling and/or boppy pillow so you can write while nursing. I wrote an entire book while nursing an infant. It’s a complicated set up, but trust me, between the sling, the pillow, a decent office chair and a laptop, it’s possible to breast feed an infant into a nice long nap and get some good writing done. I’d post a photo of this amazing feat, but none of them are quite modest enough. Let’s just say the mail man still doesn’t make eye contact. But I got that book written. Small price to pay.

Christine: Snork! Susan, doesn’t modesty just fly out the window after the first pregnancy? OK, another one–edit on the bike at the gym. (Watch out for the guy on the treadmill behind you reading the naughty bits over your shoulder, though.)

Susan: Resign yourself to playing a lot of Beauty Shop. (This is when you, desperate to eke out another twenty minutes of writing time, allow your child to climb up on the chair behind you and hopelessly tangle a variety of grooming implements into your hair while you furiously type to the end of the scene.) As I mentioned, though, be careful what you’re writing if they’re learning to read. My 4 year old loves playing beauty shop but is a really early reader. Her vocabulary is, um, precocious. I fully expect a call from her preschool teacher any time now.

Christine: Go to conferences, but skip out on the parties and some of the sessions to write. I love writing in hotel rooms. They’re so sterile, which means no distractions. No interruptions except room service.

Susan: Books on CD. Not for me, for the children. This is the best invention. Every Monday we go to the library and check out new books on CD. Laura Ingalls Wilder, Ramona the Pest, Junie B. Jones. These are hours of entertainment for children, and if you partner them up with a Highly Desired Snack, you’ll earn yourself a golden hour or so at the laptop, uninterrupted.

Christine: Pretend I spend an hour and a half grocery shopping, when I actually spend an hour of that time in a café, writing. Hee. Hope my husband’s not reading this!

Susan (in awe): Ooooh. That’s a good one. I never get to grocery shop without the kids. I do, however, enforce Quiet Time like it’s my religion. I frame it as everybody’s desperately needed break: the baby needs a nap, the toddler needs some down time and Mommy needs to WORK. This is key, btw. Always frame your writing as your WORK. Do not let it take a back seat to rustling up snacks and various entertainments or answering the phone. The stay at home mom thing is a 24/7 job. You deserve an hour or two each afternoon to pursue your dream. It’s not self-indulgent, not even when you’re an unpubbed like me. It’s a vital part of maintaining your sanity, along with your identity as a fully realized human being rather than a diaper bag with legs.

Christine: Spend a very long time in the bathroom. With my laptop. Never in the bath, though.

Susan: Spend a very long time in the bathroom. In the shower. With a book. Seriously. Part of being a good writer means being a voracious reader, but have you ever tried to sit down with a book (heck, even a sheet of paper) in a house that contains a toddler? You might as well throw yourself on the floor and shout, “I am now available for climbing and other hijinx.” So I read in the shower. Bathtub’s out because they want to climb in. The shower is the only place I’ve found in my entire house where I can reliably have three square feet to myself for any length of time. So I make a huge effort to only buy paper backs, and to print out my WIPs on recycled paper, because they *are* going to get junked. But I get some good reading done in the shower in spite of my irrational fear that Al Gore will turn up at my house to personally request that I stop *ruining the planet* with showers of exorbitant duration.

Christine: We have water restrictions where I live, so unfortunately that’s not an option. Sigh. And I used to get all my brilliant ideas in the shower. Remind me never to lend you a book, SmoovT. My goodness, Kim with all her book handling rules would faint!

So what about you? Have you ever gone to ridiculous lengths to sneak in a few more minutes at the keyboard or a few more pages of that really, really great book, or even just some ‘me’ time? What’s the most underhanded thing you’ve ever done in pursuit of those precious few minutes? Come on, ‘fess up. The best story will win a signed copy of Christine Wells’ Scandal’s Daughter along with our enduring respect and admiration.

107 Responses to “HOW NOT TO KILL YOUR DARLINGS…WRITING WITH CHILDREN UNDER FIVE”

*Click here to add your own custom avatar for comments.

cassondra
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:26 am:

OMG.

Christine and Susan. I was snorking my way all the way through this blog!

I don’t have children, and the more I see young moms, the more I realize I never would have survived it. I have a lot of dogs but you know, you can shove them in a kennel with food and water and go, “here ya go, see ya!” and be so outta there when you have to. Not so with the kiddies.

I SWEAR I will never whine again about not wanting to write…(for at least ten minutes). Okay, I know I wont’ keep that promise so I included the disclaimer. Whining is part of my “process” (grin).

BUT I so totally respect you guys who write with little ones. You’re amazing.

I’ve called in sick to work and lied like a rug–coughed, sounded all hoarse…all that..to get a few minutes by myself. I go insane without a few minutes alone. It’s actually one of the toughest things about conferences for me. You’re so surrounded by a bunch of people 27-7 for an entire WEEK. About the fourth day in, I start to really feel that. Honestly, I don’t know how you two do what you do.
Denise Rossetti
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:28 am:

Ah, “me” time… I’m a true extrovert, but when mine were little, I got to the stage I would have cheerfully done them in so I could be alone – even if it meant jail time. I used to dream of solitary confinement…

I wasn’t writing when the Gruesome Twosome were small, but I used to relish the half hour drive to work after I dropped them off at care. It was the only time I was truly alone. My son would cry – every single time I left. The carer told me that lasted a total of say, sixty seconds, once the door closed behind me. But I’d drive away feeling this HUGE burden of Mother Guilt. The little horror, I’m sure he planned it, even it was unconscious.

That lasted until the first corner. Then I’d start to think about what was happening at work. I’d rehearse adult conversations that included words longer than two syllables and included “pleases” and “thank yous”. Sometimes there was genuine intellectual content. Aaah…

In the afternoon, I’d do the same in reverse. And then would begin “arsenic hour”. Oh God, even the memories are enough to make me shudder. Tired kids, tired mother, one wouldn’t eat egg, the other wouldn’t eat vegies. Neither would touch broccoli, death threats notwithstanding. Even alcohol (for me, that is) didn’t help. Arsenic would have come as a Merciful Release.

But just so you know. All things pass. The Gruesome Twosome turned out to be wonderful human beings, healthy, happy, capable young people. Amazing, given I’m not at all maternal. You can probably tell. LOL I’m so very proud of them.

Youngest moved out a few weeks ago. I miss her and felt really weird for a few days. But guess what? That wore off pretty quick. (Not maternal, remember?) Now things stay where I put them. I found my favourite tweezers again, and the elusive tape measure. My Beloved and I still have things to talk about and it’s so peaceful…

Christine, the men in your life are gorgeous, such terrible flirts they are. But how you’ve accomplished what you have is beyond me. I dips me lid. Mucho kudos to both you and Susan.

And hang in there! *grin*
Denise
cassondra
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:32 am:

Denise wrote:

And then would begin “arsenic hour”.

ROFLOL!!! This is Most EXCELLENT.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:38 am:

Cassondra, I so identify with needing to be alone. It’s very hard for introverts (as many writers are) to keep up their energy levels when they’re constantly bombarded with people and noise. I love people and love seeing my friends, but what I do to relax is usually solitary. So guess what happens when you have kids and they scream if you shut the toilet door behind you? You feel absolutely drained by the end of the day. You end up living on very little sleep because you stay up, just to get some time alone. But you know, I love them and I want them to be happy. So everything is a trade-off.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:40 am:

Denise, my lovely CP!! THanks for dropping in. While you say you’re not maternal, you’ve done an excellent job with your two. You’re right to be proud. And yes, my three flirts. ::eye roll:: All the men in my life manage to charm the ladies rotten. Goodness knows what the boys will be like when they’re older.
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:54 am:

Wow, you make me wish I’d had SIX kids – NOT! What a hilarious blog. You two are SOOOO funny. And you’ve kept your sense of humor through difficult circumstances, I can tell. Reading in the shower? Lying about the grocery shopping? NO SLEEP???!!! That’s the thing that would do me in, I’m afraid. I turn nasty and cranky and then psychotic with no sleep. It’s not a pretty sight. In fact, perhaps if children had been unlucky enough to be born to me, they would have been fed arsenic at 6pm one night! I really, really, REALLY admire people who write with small children. Christine, as you know, I keep bleating about how you’re superwoman. Smoov, I’d say the same to you, I’m sure if we lived near each other. Hmm, incentive to move to Oz?
Denise Rossetti
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:58 am:

Christine, dunno how it happened. Honest. Just wait ’til a teacher says to you, “Such a nice boy, so polite!” You’ll reel with shock and burst with pride. Something rubs off, it really does. And it’s not as if I did it All By Myself – credit to My Beloved who’s a lovely Dad.

And your boys will be wonderful men, men who are comfortable with strong women. Which, of course, means you’ll have to fight off the prospective d-i-ls with a big stick. That baby of yours, with the big blue eyes and the lashes and that huge innocent grin. Oh my!
Denise Rossetti
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:00 am:

I turn nasty and cranky and then psychotic with no sleep. Yep, that’s EXACTLY what mothers do. Hi Anna! Beat ya this time. *smug grin*
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:04 am:

Yes, but somehow Denise, mothers manage NOT to kill their darlings in most cases. Seriously, anyone who has brought up children has my eternal admiration. And brought up children to be lovely adults – I get on my knees and worship. Haven’t you noticed that’s how I behave every time I see you?
Denise Rossetti
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:07 am:

Nope. *grin*
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:14 am:

It’s because you’re so lovely and tall and I”m so short. You think I’m standing up and I’m actually on my knees – g. Look down next time we meet!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:30 am:

Actually, Anna, when writing this blog I thought, I hope no one takes this advice seriously. I’ve muddled through, more than anything and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the year I had last year. Susan, on the other hand, has great advice about keeping your kids amused and nursing with the boppy pillow. What IS a boppy pillow, Smoov?

Anyway, I’m sure those goal-setter types with the colour-coded spreadsheets would have better advice than I do.*g* Actually, my real advice is to save your sanity and invest in childcare if you possibly can. If I had it to do over again, I often think I wouldn’t write with small children, but I did try stopping at one stage and I became–what were your words? nasty and cranky and then psychotic *g*. Only it would be no writing on top of no sleep, so I’d probably kill someone, not sure who.

At least Cassondra could help me with the killing part, and Jeanne with disposing the body.*g*
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:35 am:

Denise, I’m a cream puff. I don’t know why you’re calling me strong. Wish I deserved that:)
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:43 am:

And Posh and I could write a haiku for the gravestone… Wonder what the wild will… um WOOLLY women of the long and short of it could do for you. Actually all jokes aside, Christine, I so admire how you’ve stuck to your guns and followed your dream. You ain’t no cream puff, Bandita. We don’t let no stinkin’ cream puffs into our lair, babe! Although I rather enjoy a nice cream puff and a vanilla slice and a sacher torte and… Hmm, can we let a baker into the lair?
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:55 am:

Oh no! Not the haiku! Now you’ve set Posh the challenge, I doubt she’ll be able to resist.

Looks like we’ll have to visit that patisserie at Moffat Beach again, Anna. I love sacher torte, too. Had a friend at school whose mother was Austrian and made killer torte. WIll you STOP making me think about food?
Vanessa
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:07 am:

Mmm, cake!

Christine and Susan, my hat’s off to you. Thanks for sharing your secrets. “Sleep every second night” – that’s a good one!

The last book I wrote took over my brain and my life. I couldn’t concentrate on the day job at all, so I handed my boss an annual leave form and told him I was taking a week off. And would you believe I actually used that time productively? I wrote the remaining half of the book in eight days. Of course, it took eight months to revise it.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:16 am:

And would you believe I actually used that time productively? I wrote the remaining half of the book in eight days.

That’s amazing, Vanessa. I sometimes wish I could hand my family an annual leave form, but it doesn’t really work that way, unfortunately!
helen
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:45 am:

Christine and Susan you have both done so well
I had 4 children in 6 years and no I never wrote a book but I have always needed time to read them I used to find time for me by buying lots of videos for them to watch and lots of books for them to read by themselves or to each other my 3 daughters still love to read but my Son will only read the sports secton in a newspaper. I also had a good swing set in the yard a dog and a cat to keep them busy. They have grown to be great adults that I am very proud of and my son has given me 2 beautiful grandchildren. The ups and downs we have had along the way where I could have killed them at times has all been worth it and made us all stronger. I still have 2 daughters living at home.
I am sure you both will keep finding ways to write and hats off to you both because I loved your book Christine and am anxiously awaiting the next one and am very much looking forward to your book when it is published Susan.
Have Fun
Helen
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:54 am:

Helen, you’re lovely! 4 children in 6 years. I’m dumbfounded! How on earth did you do it?
helen
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:36 am:

Christine it was hard work and a lot of fun at the same time I honestly don’t know how I did it somedays but I did Hubby was very good as well he is an excellent father still is, my Mother had four in five years and ten days all girls. One good thing about having them close together is they grow up together and mine are really close to each other as I am with my sisters.
Have Fun
Helen
Annie West
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:29 am:

Hi girls, loved the post. Thank you – it brought back memories of so many happy hours! Actually, I didn’t have it too bad as I didn’t start writing till my youngest was 4. But yes, writing with littlies is interesting. Have you tried taking kids to storytime at the local library? Ours used to have stories followed by craft for a grand total of an hour. I could sit in a chair within sight and scribble into a notepad. A friend who needed peace (2 sets of twins under 2!) used to take hers to the local airport where there was an indoor playground fenced off and within sight of the jets landing. She wasn’t a writer but she could sit and have a cuppa for a little while and all 4 would be happy. And I do have a wonderful wonderful memory of taking my kids to a huge indoor playgym one wintry day. I sat in the parents’ area and occasionally looked up to see where they were and they’d occasionally race over for a drink. I rejigged a whole chapter that morning that I’d written in the wrong POV. That was in the story that became my first published noved.

My hat goes off to you writing with such little ones. And my wish for you…lots of sleep to make up for what you’ve missed!

Annie
Annie West
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:31 am:

Um, I meant my first published novel, not noved. And can I just say that the typo was because I had not one but two kids (teenagers now) calling out to me at the same time. That’s my excuse.

Annie
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:05 am:

Lots of sleep. Ahh, what luxury that would be, Annie. Thank you! I must try those strategies. And teenagers are a whole different challenge, aren’t they?
Caren Crane
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:34 am:

Christine and Susan, I think I’ve mentioned before that there is a span from about 1994 – 1997 where I have almost no memories at all. My younger children, both daughters, are 18 months apart. They almost killed me! At least the youngest one slept, unlike the other two. She’s still the best sleeper I have! She was also a very good baby (unlike the other heathens *g*.

Denise, count me among the not-very-maternal. I never even liked to babysit! Somehow, though, my own were wonderful *g* My son has turned out to be a gorgeous and delightful man. The girls are becoming independent, lovely young women.

Did I write when they were small? Heavens, no! I could hardly function enough to make bottles and make food and get to work on time. The arsenic hour? I was so there! I would listen in horror as women waxed rhapsodic about staying home with their children. I always thought, “If someone forced me to stay home with them every day, I would take a rock and kill myself.” No, not terribly maternal. *g*

I started writing when the youngest was 5 and firmly in school. They have always understood writing is quite serious business for me. However, during the interminable preschool years, I was never alone. Not for a minute! My husband and I took turns going to the grocery store. Whoever went got to go completely alone while the other stayed home with the kids. It was like Heaven! Whenever Jo talks about hating the grocery, it makes me smile. I still get a warm fuzzy feeling when I step into the produce section! *g*

Oh, and the door on the master bathroom didn’t close fully for years. I couldn’t even lock myself in! I would be showering alone, lost in my semi-grown-up thoughts and next thing someone would be sliding the shower door open. Ack! So glad the baby is a teenager now!

My hat’s off to you both!
Caren Crane
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:36 am:

And I meant to say:

Herein lies the ruin
Of a promising writer
Her downfall: diapers *eg*
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:51 am:

Caren, you just had to do it, didn’t you?LOL You’re too clever, kudos to you! Or should that be haikudos? Actually, now I think about it, that’s kind of creepy:(

Loved the anecdote about going grocery shopping! And the shower door slide happens to me, too. My one year old has no fear of the spray and would jump in with me fully clothed if he could. If I lock the door, even when my husband’s home, my 4yo wails like someone’s torturing him and shouts to the neighbourhood that he’s soooo saaaadd!! He has his sad face on!!! I’m sure they think I’m a terrible mother, but is it so much to ask to have a shower in peace?
Buffie
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 6:27 am:

OMG Christine and Susan — how appropriate this blog is!!! I almost killed both my boys yesterday. It was the day from #&*@!!! They were both out of school yesterday for a teacher work day. So all my errands had to be run with them in tow. I vaguely remember the dh calling me while we were out and muttering into the phone “guess it’s not a good time”. Thursdays are usually my day to go grocery shopping and to take my time and look at anything and everything that I want to. Well, not yesterday. If the oldest wasn’t complaining that he wanted more snacks for a lock-in tonight, then the youngest was whining because the DS Lite I was buying wasn’t charged and he would have to wait — 3 long hours to play! URG!
Marisa
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 7:31 am:

You two had me rolling on the floor! I don’t know how you get 1 page written, much less a book!

Me time… well let’s just say I’ve trained my family well. They all know when Marisa needs me time. They call it Greta Garbo time – “I want to be alone”. They see that look in my eyes and they know, if she doesn’t get at least an hour to herself there’s no telling what could happen.
AndreaW
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 7:37 am:

Oh my gosh, your post is hilarious and the information priceless! Having two kids myself, I still (after reading this) don’t see how y’all can do it. I am in awe.
Dina
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 7:54 am:

Hi Christine & Susan,

I don’t know how you are able to write with them, I can’t even read a book, when I watch my 2 little grandkids, lol. I love that my 9yr old grandson can do things all by himself, but the little ones are always wanting your attention.
Deb Marlowe
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:10 am:

Ah, my soul sisters, how well I remember the days of hiding in the bathroom while the little fingers wiggle under the door! I hate to tell you, mine are 8 and 11 now and I still have those “Can I get 30 seconds to myself?’ days.

My working secret when they were little was the car. No matter where I was in the house, if I was sitting still, I was considered fair game, laptop or no. So, I would wait until the dh came home, I would wave goodbye–Mommy’s off to work!–then I would get in the car, drive around to back of our property, park the car and sit and write. It worked wonderfully well except in really cold weather. So, being the wonderfully supportive man that he is, my dh built me a shed back there, finished it off and turned it into my office. Isn’t he the sweetest? Now the kids know they are not allowed into the shed unless blood is flowing–which of course makes it the most desirable place in the universe!

Keep on keepin’ on, ladies!
Christie Kelley
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:38 am:

I give anyone who writes with young children all the credit they deserve. I was really lucky. When my son was 3-4 I had him enrolled 3 days a week in a preschool/daycare. It worked out great because he stayed for the preschool, ate lunch and then took a nap. (And those were the only days he napped). So he went there until 3:30 and those were my writing days. But to be honest, the only reason I had him enrolled for the full day was because I had been working in a tech job. When I was laid off, my husband and I decided to keep him there so I could write and look for a job.

I couldn’t imagine trying to write with a young one around, especially a boy. They’re so full of energy!
Anna Sugden
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:56 am:

OMG – Christine and Susan – I am so in awe of you both! (And LOL too!) I’m like Foanna – the lack of sleep would kill me. And the constant companions … though the kittens can be like that.

When I taught, I never had children younger than seven. After my teacher training sitting on the carpet with a roomful of five year olds – fingers crawling up your legs, snot being wiped in your skirt – I decided to go for the older ones!

I don’t have kids, the step-daughters are adults, I don’t have a job. I still have trouble getting time to write. Okay, the kittens can be a little demanding at times, but really it’s ‘everything else’.

A couple of tricks I’ve learned are:

1. Writing is my work! Treat it like work. Set times for it and don’t let things interfere with it that couldn’t if I’d gone to the office or the classroom. This is harder than it sounds, but when it’s working well – really helps. I’m going to try the egg-timer thing too.

2. Set targets and record progress (whispers … don’t tell Tawny, but this is where the colours come out to play). The key with the targets is realistic – I know what good day of writing can yield, so there’s no point setting a target that is double a good day! Writing what I’ve achieved on my calendar is both a reward and a motivator!
Gannon
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:01 am:

As a mom of three, my hats are off to you both for writing with little ones under foot. Just getting through the day seemed like a huge accomplishment when mine were small, much less writing a book.

In order to have me time, I was not above plopping my little darlings in front of the TV to watch a video. I know, studies have said it’s a bad thing, but when I wanted to read or just decompress, I’m afraid that was what mattered. Since my three are now 15, 12, and 8 and show no signs of having been warped by extended TV time, I can feel guilt free!
Kim
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:22 am:

Welcome Christine and Susan!! How about Surviving with Kids Over 13??? Under 5 I can deal with as long as there is Barney tapes and Nickelodeon. *g*

As someone else mentioned, when I worked in the factory I would save a couple vacation days each year for mental health. ugh. Now that I work from home that doesn’t work so well. Maybe San Fran will feel like a break. *snork*
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:41 am:

Good morning ladies!

I’m finally up, the children are fed, rediapered & clothed for the day. I have badgered them into giving me ten minutes to look at the blog & see who’s talking. Well sort of. I’m doing that typing/nursing thing I mentioned, but the oldest is coloring like an angel so without further ado:

Cassondra: LOL on the merits of owning dogs rather than kids! But I should mention, children do have kennels. They’re called playpens & used judiciously are miracles of modern technology.

Denise: Oh, I hear you on dreaming of solitary confinement. Every time my husband calls home from another business trip & complains that he misses us, I always think bitter thoughts about how nice is must be to have maid service, restaurant food, unlimited cable TV & a full night’s sleep often enough to get sick of them. I wish somebody would send *me* on a business trip every now & then. But oh! I’m taking one! In July, to the RWA conference in San Fran! WITHOUT MY FAMILY! Would I be a bad mother if I admitted I was looking forward??

Oh, Anna, you’re so sweet. And that invitation to move to Oz sounds wonderful. But, oh, wait. Did you mean I should bring the kids, too?

Christine: A boppy pillow is a big C shaped pillow, designed to curl around your waist while you’re sitting & nursing. It props the baby up nicely & leaves your arms free to do other things. Like type. As Kirsten will surely mention, however, women who have actual curves to contend with might prefer the more substantial My Breast Friend pillow. Similar shape & purpose, but sturdier construction. I just can’t say My Breast Friend without snickering, though. Immature, I know. What can I say? Now your turn for a definition: What’s a sacher torte??

Vanessa: Wow, you wrote 1/2 a book in 8 days? My hat’s off to you! I find I can’t write effectively in longer than two-three hour stretches. The creative energy just doesn’t flow for me in all-day increments. I find anybody who writes in huge jags like that amazing. I more a book-a-year kind of girl.

Annie: I love the idea of finding activities for kids that are pre-supervised, or finding places where they’re sort of hemmed in. I tried to put my youngest in kid care at the community center, but she lasts for all of 15 minutes. (I’m like Christine that way–nobody babysits my infants but me & their grandmas. After one year, though, time to toughen up. My youngest is in the painful toughening up stage right now.) Anyway, I was already set up with the lap top in the couches & chairs section of the place, so I kept half an eye on her while she wandered around looking at the vending machines & video games, & typed my heart out. There were a bunch of older ladies sitting together having coffee who were extremely disturbed at this lax brand of parenting. I was finally shamed into packing up & going home. *sigh* Bad Mommy of the Year award, coming my way.

Caren: LOL on the lingering warmth in the produce aisle! My kids really enjoy grocery shopping for some reason & are very well behaved. I think it has something to do with grocery stores in my area providing a free cookie to every kid under a certain age. I hold that cookie over their heads until the check out lane. Sometimes it’s too much, but mostly they’re very food motivated. And your diaper downfall haiku is going on my fridge, just so you know.

Buffie: Errands with kids can be a nightmare. A nightmare, I tell you. I think there’s a special place in hell reserved for people who judge mothers in stores with misbehaving children. I think they’ll have to push a shopping cart with a wonky wheel through hell for all eternity with a four year old doing gymnastics on the end & a one year old trying to escape from the seat. That’s what I think. And all the rest of us can stand behind them in the check out making disapproving noises or suggestions on how to perhaps be a more effective parent.

AndreaW: I don’t know how we do it, either. Sometimes I read my own writing & don’t recognize it at all. It’s like I wrote it in a fugue state & have no recollection of either the content or the time period during which it was written. Sometimes it’s not bad, either. Kind of a nice surprise.

Dina: Yeah, it’s impossible to read & watch children at the same time. Writing is more of a start & stop thing (at least how I do it) & I can at least sort of keep an eye on what’s happening. Right up until I realize the kids have gotten into the bathroom cupboard & are tossing feminine protection items around the hallway & giggling at the “snow storm.” I saw the mess & thought, “well, that’s good for another few minutes” & let them keep at it.

Deb: I can hear my own mother making that same speech: Can I just have TWO DAMN MINUTES TO MYSELF PLEASE?? Every time it comes out of my own mouth I feel like calling her up & making a blanket apology.

Christie: Oh, believe me, I’ve been tempted to enroll my kids in every single program available just to get them out of my hair, but when it comes down to it, I didn’t have the heart to be apart from them so much. As much as I complain about them, staying home with them is what I want to do with my time. Writing is wonderful & I love it & it keeps me same, but the fact is, it comes second to raising these runny nosed, elbow pulling, demanding little beasts. I know. I can’t explain it either. But there you have it. My oldest is going to kindergarten next fall, & every time I realize she’s almost 5, there’s a crazy little shock. I’m excited about it & terrified at the same time. Because what if all my kids grow up & I’m STILL laboring away trying to get something published. But then I won’t have a single darn excuse but they’ll be out of the house for hours every day. What will I do then, huh? I get depressed just thinking about it.

Anna: I love your goals! Making goals has been a huge part of keeping my sanity as a stay at home. I figure it’s a job, right? Why would I approach it with anything less than the organization & drive with which I would approach a “real” job? It took me a while to get the rhythm of working 24/7 rather than 8 hours a day, but once I adjusted for that, goals were a life saver.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:44 am:

Gannon: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with using the TV as an occasional baby sitter! I think the trouble starts when it’s on all the time & people in the house start to forget how to talk to each other. But I use the TV to get my 1/2 hour on the treadmill a couple times a week. We watch a new chunk of Mary Poppins (she’s my idol, btw) every time.

Kim: Hey, you’re going to do that list of surviving the teen years, right? Because I’ll want to have a copy. Please??
Beth Andrews
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 10:01 am:

Wonderful blog, Chrisitine and Susan! I really admire you both for writing with such little ones *g*

I didn’t start writing until my youngest was in preschool and even that was challenging. But now I have all day to write (well, at least until the older two get home at 3:15) and then the chaos starts *g* No matter that two of them are teenagers and one’s a preteen, they still want mom’s attention. They have a habit of coming in my office, sitting in the chair and staring at me. Oh, and if they’re bored, they’ll sigh. Loudly. If they want something, they’ll bounce around a bit, trying to get my attention so they can ask if they can go somewhere, have someone over, buy something — usually things that involve me driving them someplace.

Oh, and Cassondra, kids are sort of like dogs. *g* Seriously. Have you ever watched The Dog Whisperer? The first time I saw Cesar was on a talk show and after he gave his advice on how to make a dog listen, I said “Huh. Just like with kids”

And when mine drive me nuts in the summer, I’ll make them all go outside and tell them not to come in until lunch *g* I’d lock the doors but I wouldn’t put it past them to call children’s services or something.
jo robertson
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 10:48 am:

Delightful blog, Susan and Christine. I loved it! However, it brought back some terrifying memories.

As many of the Banditas know, I have seven children, YES, seven — What was I thinking?? This is why my handle on Romance Bandits is JoMama. The first seven years of my marriage is a totally blur. Megan, the youngest, was born when Lance, the oldest was 7 1/2. Then 3 1/2 years later we had Rand, the baby, so 7 in 11 years. I could NOT write during those years. Impossible! I’m not even sure I was alive, at least in a real brain-cogitation way. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children. But yikes!

However, I did manage to substitute teach two or three days a month, just to keep my sanity and remind myself that higher language skills existed in the outside world, words very dissimilar to POO-POO and WEE-WEE.

I didn’t come into writing until my children were grown; that’s why I admire you women sooooo much. Nursing and typing, so clever. But beware, those wee ones become teenagers soon enough and while they’re more independent, they have to be watched vigilantly. So much trouble to get into, so much more serious than writing on the walls with a permanent marker.

Like Anna, I bow before you in humility and awe. Such ingenuity, Susan and Christine. You’re my new heroes!
Kate Carlisle
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 11:15 am:

OMG, Susan and Christine, you are both hilarious!! And awesome. I’m down on my knees (next to Anna), paying homage to your sheer discipline and ingenuity. The next time I want to whine about finding time to write, I’ll try to remember everything you’ve been through to get here.

But really, Susan, you should’ve posted the pictures. LOL. Your poor mailman!!
Nancy N.
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 11:54 am:

LOL! I see how the two of your survived, with humor! This was a fabulous blog.

Nursing and typing has to take some kind of prize! Maybe the Mom Will Win Through award?

I only have one child, who’s now 14 and has learned to see if the computer screen holds email or word processing before he speaks. Unless blood is involved, of course! When he was little, my work space was upstairs, so I’d try to sneak up there and see if he’d forget I was in the house. That worked for a while, but one evening when he was about three, I heard this little voice at the foot of the stairs, in a feeble attempt at a commanding tone, say, “Natchie, come down!” So I was busted.

Susan, never mind posting the pictures. I admire your nerve just in having them!
cassondra
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:23 pm:

Christine said:

At least Cassondra could help me with the killing part, and Jeanne with disposing the body.*g*

Hey, not if they’re cute kids. I draw the line there. Now if one of their heads spins around and green slime comes out its mouth…well, still…I’ll cast something out of it, but I probably won’t kill it. Not if it’s a kid.

Then again, I’m old enough now, that those guys who pull up behind me with the truck full of speakers and the bass you could hear on Mars???????The ones that shake your car with the vibration from the bass–can’t hear your own music????? Those guys look like kids to me. And I would most definitely kill one of them. Most. Definitely.
cassondra
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 12:49 pm:

Susan wrote:

Wow, you wrote 1/2 a book in 8 days? My hat’s off to you! I find I can’t write effectively in longer than two-three hour stretches. The creative energy just doesn’t flow for me in all-day increments. I find anybody who writes in huge jags like that amazing. I more a book-a-year kind of girl.

I do this. Left to my own devices (which I’d actually like to try once again, as it’s’ been a long while since I was able to do this) I’ll complete a book manuscript (110,000 words or more) in three weeks. I stay up nearly all night, and it just flows. I fix food and eat it in front of the computer. I don’t talk to anybody, I don’t interact with anything. Don’t answer the phone. Nothing. I just write. Fall asleep for about three hours at 5 in the morning, wake up and start writing again. It’s weird. Like some kind of zone. But that’s the most efficient way for me to write and it works. Unfortunately it doesn’t work with the rest of life, like…a job. And that breaks me out of the zone.

I have realized that this freaky way of creating is my actual process, and working around it is not something I’ve quite figured out. Still working on that. Obviously, with children, there’s no WAY a mom could do something like this.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:00 pm:

Oh, Beth, I can’t *wait* until mine are old enough to kick out of the house for the afternoon! I recall being put out of the house in the morning as a kid & being specifically told not to come home until lunch. Possibly dinner. Those were the days…
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:03 pm:

JoMama–Six kids in 7.5 years? And then another a few years later? AND you taught a day or two a week? My hat’s off to you, lady. My kids are 3.5 years apart & I often thank the good lord they didn’t come closer together. And yes, as challenging as the early years are, I’m terrified of the teen years. I read once that the terrible twos are like a mini-adolescence in terms of what kind of radical change the body & brain are going through, & that you can sort of surmise what the teen years will be like based on the toddler temperament. May I just say…I’m afraid. Very, very afraid.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:05 pm:

Kate–it was the UPS guy, too, I’m sad to say. Mostly him, actually. My dad’s company uses UPS for shipping, so every time my mom wants to ship me a package, it comes in the big brown truck. My two kids are her only grandkids, so the UPS truck comes ALL THE TIME. I answered the door half-dressed so many times the poor guy was starting to develop a twitch.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:09 pm:

Oh, Nancy, kids are so savvy when you’re trying to sneak something past them, aren’t they? But the minute you say, “Whose coat do you suppose this is on the floor?” suddenly they don’t speak english. “coat? What is this coat item of which you speak?” And in my defense, let me say that I do not have nursing/typing pictures because I wished for them. I have them because my husband is the sort of photographer who likes to ambush his prey. Our photo albums have a very National Geographic sort of vibe for this reason. Very slice of life, unfortunately.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:16 pm:

Cassondra: How soon can you get here? We had the Horrible Barfing Illness twice (that’s what I said–TWICE) this month, & I’m pretty sure somebody’s head spun around & there was certain green stuff. Somebody needed smiting, or casting out, or what have you. I had no idea this was a service you provided. Sign me up.

And our next door neighbor’s son has car speakers that literally rattle our walls. We sighed in relief when he left for college, but every now & then, our walls will rattle & my daughter will solemnly announce, “Jason’s home.”

I’m really impressed with the ‘in the zone’ creative state, too. I wish I had that kind of energy, or at least the ability to get so lost in something I’m creating. But I’m too selfconscious, I think. I edit too much as I type, & it slows me down. I’d love to be able to really flow & see what pops out. I heard Eloisa James speak once, & she said because of her academic schedule, she has to write her books in the summers, to the tune of twenty pages a day. She said the first ten are usual easy, if pedestrian. The second ten are torturous, but that’s where the really creative stuff happened, the left turns, the plot twists that were fresh & inventive. Digging deep & forcing the flow meant outside the box stuff came out of left field & really made the book. Interesting, no?
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:29 pm:

Deb, your husband is a true hero!
jo robertson
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:55 pm:

What can I say, Susan — we had a lot of failed birth control going on. Plus, my husband’s a stud, tee hee!

About making use of time, I’ve gotten into the VERY bad habit of reading when I drive. Yes, I know it’s crazy! But I can’t stand waiting those few precious seconds at the stop lights, so I have a book open in my lap and get a paragraph in, depending on the stop light. Of course, I’ve gotten a lot of honks — crazy old woman seems to be the phrase of the day. Obviously, I’m a type A personality.

But, this is REALLY crazy. Shhhhh. Don’t tell Child Protective Services or they’ll haul my a** to jail thirty years after the fact. I used to drive my station wagon holding my baby at the wheel! Can you believe I was so irresponsible??? Never more than a few blocks, of course, to my friend’s house so I wouldn’t lose my sanity. And NEVER EVER on the freeway, but there were no seat belt laws then — heck, no seat belts in that station wagon. The kids used to jump up and down in the back. Sometimes my seven year old girl would hold the baby between her legs in the passenger seat.

Hey, no one EVER got hurt until they left home and went off to college. I’m just saying. . .

BTW, I’d NEVER, EVER do anything like that with grandkids. I’m a good grammy, responsible. My daughters taught me well. Somebody had to; obviously, I didn’t learn on my own LOL.

You know, you have kids and nobody ever gives you a manual. It’s a wonder mine survived childhood. I was 23 and didn’t know a THING.

So, writing moms everywhere, BEAU COUP KUDOS!!!
Kim
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 1:59 pm:

Susan–I’ll get right on that! LOL So far lots of alcohol and chocolate are at the top of the list
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:16 pm:

Good morning, everyone! Or afternoon, depending on which side of the globe you’re on:) Currently fending 1yo off with judiciously dispensed sultanas. 4yo is watching TV.

Buffie–
I feel your pain! I find the more I need and want to get something done, the more difficult the little tykes make it. And whenever I’m free, the agony of indecision I go through is ridiculous–errands or housework or writing or sleep? I have to say, sleep rarely wins. Do you ever have that panic set in when you do have time alone that you’re not using it the absolute best way you could? Argh! Sometimes I waste half an hour just arguing with myself over what I should do.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:17 pm:

Oh, Marisa, what’s you secret? My evil eye just makes my boys giggle.
Suzanne Welsh
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:21 pm:

Christine and Susan, you guys craked me up and impress me at the same time! Like Caren, there is a time in my life where I was completely out of life and what was going on. Starting in 1981 I had three children in three years and didn’t get my sanity back until the youngest went away to school. And unlike the mommies crying when they put their little darling on the bus at the bus stop, I was doing the happy dance!!

How you two can write anything with little people in the house amazes me. I’d be like, “Bother me one more time and I’m taking y’all to the mall and leaving you there!!”
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:23 pm:

Andrea, it wasn’t really our intention to look like supermoms. Well, Susan might be, but I’m totally incompetent:) We just do all this because the need to write is a need, a compulsion–it’s like love, you can’t just make it go away. I’m not happy when I’m not writing, so I try to tell myself that the family benefits in the long-run if I have time to myself. And hey, I could be working full-time and they wouldn’t see much of me at all. I never would have stayed home with them if I didn’t have some interest to pursue from home. I love children (and adore MY children) but I need to use my brain, too.
Suzanne Welsh
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:24 pm:

Making places to read. When we lived in Ohio, I used to trudge out through the snow after work in the mornings, turn on the car, the heater, the defrosters, and pull out a book. I’d get 30 minutes of good reading in before the windows had cleared themselves and I could drive home! I only shivered for the first 5 minutes.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:28 pm:

Dina–
Thanks for commenting! I’ve been looking forward to the time both mine are at kindy or school but I’m really enjoying the toddler years with my 1yo. He’s so gorgeous and yes, he wants attention, but he’s very busy and goes off by himself to play a lot, too. I really can’t write any more with the boys around me, so I tend to do promotional work or email when they’re awake. That’s stuff I can do with my concentration being broken every five minutes and it’s necessary, so I’m not wasting valuable writing time.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:30 pm:

Hey, Jomama!

I grew up rolling around the back of a suburban, no seat belts in sight! I also rode my bike without a helmet, slept in what I’m sure would now be considered a death trap of a crib, ate white bread & watched plenty of TV. I grew up with out any traumatic head injury (that I recall), developed a decided preference for whole grains & now own only 1 TV which we keep in the basement unless we want to watch it.

Wanna hear my confession, though? The thing I do that they say you aren’t supposed to?

I sleep with my babies.

Yep. For the first six months I don’t even try to put them in the crib. I spend the second six months getting baby & crib acquainted via nap time, & only around the 1 year mark do I even start making an effort. I think of it as natural family planning–keeps the babies spaced quite nicely.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:33 pm:

Suzanne–I threaten to sell mine to the gypsies. I don’t know why. We don’t have any gyspsies here in Minnesota. The mall is a much better threat. We actually go there sometimes. And as for happy dancing the children off to school, my mom is famous for declaring that we burned her lips kissing the tailpipe when the bus dragged her youngest (there were four of us in just over 7 years) off to school.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:34 pm:

Deb–
Thanks so much for dropping in. Wow, what a solution. I love it! My goodness, your husband is a treasure. I go to a local cafe on the rare occasions I get a leave pass but night time is when I can really concentrate. It’s quiet and I can’t do housework or run errands even if I wanted to. The every second night thing just saves me from becoming a zombie…just.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:35 pm:

Christine’s right–we’re not supermoms. Just compulsive people with a yearn to write. Though Christine might very well be a supermom &just not fessing up. She’s published, which means she deals with deadlines, edits, agents, editors, publicity, etc. I’m still writing to please only myself, when where & how it fits into my life. I don’t know what I’d do if my dream ever came true & I had to do this on somebody else’s schedule.
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:37 pm:

Suz–what a great idea; reading in the car while it defrosts! I’m going to try that one. “No, no, you kids stay inside! It’s too cold for your precious little fingers out here. Mommy will take care of it. I’ll call you when the car is nice & toasty. Go back inside now…”
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:38 pm:

Hi Christie, sounds like you had the perfect set-up. I’m biting the bullet this year and getting a babysitter. It’s the only way.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:45 pm:

Thanks for those tips, Anna. I don’t blame you not wanting snot on your skirt! Especially someone’s snot who’s not yours. I can deal with my children’s disgusting bodily functions but another child’s snot makes me gag. In fact, just about any non-family member’s snot makes me gag.
Suzanne Welsh
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:46 pm:

Susan, I’m one of those readers that gets so immeshed in the stories, that the world around me literally disappears. I used to take off my glasses, pull the book up to about two inches in front of my nose, (got yelled at a lit for that as a kid) and wouldn’t hear a word being said to me. I had to wait until all my kids were out of diapers before I could really start reading again. My son was 4 and came over, pulled the book down to say, “Mommy, I’m talking to you!” I said, “Yes, and I’m ignoring you!” hehehe

Now at work, I can’t quite get the immersed, but…if I don’t have a patient, (which happens some nights in L&D), I put in my IPOD to drown out my co-workers and off I go to reading. In fact, I picked up a friend’s book last night, The Romanov Prophecy by Steve Barry, started reading and was half done when I left. I did give the book back to her, (she had another she was reading, and I asked before I started, I’m not that rude!), so now I’m headed to the bookstore to buy a copy. It was Ludlumish with history of the Romanovs thrown in! mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm good!
Suzanne Welsh
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:47 pm:

LOL Christine. I’m soooooooooo over other people’s bodily functions and fluids, hehehe
Caren Crane
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:50 pm:

I will admit that when the kids were little, my book and I would spend a lot of time on the potty. Inordinately long periods of time. Lengths not logged by me before or since, I must confess. My husband caught on, but he felt sorry for me (and I for him) so we gave each other the gift of extended bathroom sessions. He would even chase them away from the door! “Don’t bother Mommy when she’s using the potty!” I adore my husband.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 2:50 pm:

Gannon, I get the guilts about the TV from time to time but you know, when you’re up with them at 5am or whatever until 7 at night, it’s a long day, a long time to keep them amused. Especially when they have attention spans of 5 minutes. And mine don’t sit still long enough to watch an entire program most of the time anyway.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:04 pm:

Kim, that’s so true about working from home. You never leave. I always have writing in the back of my mind and while I love doing it, sometimes it’s incredibly difficult to just give myself time off. I find the only time I can do that is watching a movie. Even when I’m reading, part of my brain is analysing, envying, taking note. I’m reading a Lisa Kleypas at the moment and I just turn green at her wonderful use of language and the description of the English countryside that she does so well. So movies. I tend to analyse the conflict and the story arc a bit there, too, but it’s much easier to lose myself.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:07 pm:

SmoovT, I knew there was a reason I begged you to do this blog with me. You crack me up! I have tears in my eyes. Hoo boy. It’s sort of tragic and funny at the same time, isn’t it?

And can I just caveat all that I’ve said here with–I love my boys to death and they will always come first, no matter what. ?? Much as I whine and rant, I wouldn’t give them up for the world.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:10 pm:

Oh, and sacher torte is a chocolate cake that is somehow less sweet and rich than most, cut in half, with apricot jam in the middle. It doesn’t sound very nice, but trust me, it’s gooood. When I was working, the firm chef would make everyone a cake of their choice on their birthday. You could have whatever you wanted, and if she didn’t know how to make it, she’d find out. I used to ask for sacher torte every year.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:13 pm:

Beth, I live for the day I don’t have to supervise my younger boy closely:) Then I can use that Nora rule about if it’s not bleeding and not on fire, I don’t want to know. Love it.
Caren Crane
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:14 pm:

I had to laugh at Anna S.’s comment about having no time to write. I know exactly what you mean! For six blissful months, I was laid off and getting severance pay. Full pay! For six months! I finished one book and wrote another in 7 weeks. BUT, the longer I was home, the harder it was to maintain a schedule. I would get the kids off to school and then it would, invariably, be 10:00 before I got through e-mail and assorted bits and got around to writing. Writing would last about an hour or hour and a half, then it would be time for lunch. Often, with friends! Then, back to work around 1:00 and I would work until 2:30 or 3:00, when the kids started trickling in. Then, of course, it was time to supervise homework and make dinner, etc. It was hard, even with the whole day at my disposal, to make myself write more than 2-1/2 hours. As to spurts like Cassondra’s, I could never do that!

I do like writing page numbers on my calendar each day. That way, when I am stalled it is glaringly obvious and makes me feel bad. So I start writing again! Tricks: they work on us as well as our kids!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:15 pm:

Um, Jo? Anyone who has 7 children in 11 years should get a sainthood and a life supply of Lindt chocolate in my opinion. I couldn’t do it. I would be a jibbering mess. I’m in awe.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:18 pm:

Kate, thanks for commenting. I really don’t deserve that kind of veneration, but you can buy me a drink at National! Hey all, Kate has a fab post on Romance Bandits today about James Bond. Go and have a look!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:21 pm:

Nancy, hiding never works for me. Unless my 4yo has seen me drive away (and he would know if I sneaked back) he knows I’m here, and he’s like a sniffer dog when it comes to finding me. If someone else is minding him, I might lock the door to the room I’m working in, but then he puts on the performance of his little life on the verandah outside, Don’t lock me ooouuut!!! He’s not locked out of the main house, just of the little granny flat out the back, but the whole neighbourhood doesn’t know that.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:23 pm:

Cassondra, I didn’t mean I’d really kill my darlings. I’d probably snap and off the mailman or the neighbour up the road who comes down to complain if someone mows the lawn and wakes him from his afternoon nap:) Never my babies, No!!
Maureen
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:24 pm:

I love the story of breastfeeding and writing. That is creative. When my kids were little I don’t remember reading a lot. In fact, if I sat down on the couch to watch television I usually fell asleep. I did work so some days could be long. I started reading a lot when the kids were a little older and then we would all have reading time together.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:24 pm:

Cassondra, in a perfect world, I would work like that too, just write and write until it’s done and not stop for anything. If only I had a wife…
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:34 pm:

Suz, 3 in 3 years? That’s just cruel. I’m not surprised you were doing the happy dance. I would have been in an asylum.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:44 pm:

Actually, Susan, I think it’s much harder to keep writing when you’re an unpubbed mom. You’re holding on to that dream despite the temptation to simply give up and wait until things get easier. At least deadlines keep you focused:) I don’t get any more respect for my writing time from anyone, though, which I thought I would. I distinctly remember when the Call came, it was very early in the morning and no one was up. Finally, my little boy came out to tell me his bed was wet. I did the happy dance while changing wee-soaked bedding. Sort of fitting, don’t you think?
Dawn Halliday
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 3:45 pm:

Oh, you are all too funny. I am seriously considering your every-other-night-of-sleep routine, Christine! I think it might work, with enough caffeine…

The other night, I made a big production of leaving my 3-year-old. I got all dressed up to go out, took my computer, told her I was going to the library, kissed her goodbye, got in the car and drove half a block away. Then, as my husband kept her occupied, I sneaked in the front door and crept upstairs, where I actually had three good hours!

But, no doubt about it, it’s hard to work under deadline and feel like a good mom at the same time. I’m doing the best I can, but I’m full of mommy guilt this week–I signed the baby girl up for full-time preschool. Sob!!
jo robertson
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:06 pm:

Susan, the family bed is very popular in some cultures. We’re so uptight in the U.S., I think. I tried to get babies to sleep through the night by two-three months. Sometimes it even worked!

Caren, I adore your husband too. You’ve gotta love a man who truly understands the real meaning of “potty time.”
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:23 pm:

Caren, I love your strategies! I admit, I use ‘potty time’ to full advantage, too.

Maureen, what a lovely idea to have family reading time!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:29 pm:

Hi Dawn!! ::waving madly:: Thanks for dropping in!

Now, everyone, Dawn is a true supermom. She recently sold 5 books (3 to Grand Central and 2 to NAL) and all with 3 young children underfoot. And that’s not counting all her publications to date. A round of applause, please!! I love the idea of dressing up and leaving the house, Dawn. Great going. Please don’t hesitate to share any more strategies. You’re so prolific, I’m sure you must have more. Please?
Anna Campbell
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 4:49 pm:

Dawn! Always lovely to see you. Thanks for dropping over. And hey, way to go on all those contracts! Congratulations! My head would be spinning like the girl from the Exorcist. Oh, no, we’ve talked about her already in this blog, haven’t we?
Dawn Halliday
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:11 pm:

Hi Anna! Always lovely to see you too! And thanks for the congratulations. My head has not stopped spinning, I must admit, and fingernails…what are those? I vaguely remember something used to grow at the tips of my fingers…

Christine, lol…I am SO not supermom! I feel like terriblemom lately, I’ve got to admit. We’re always trying to find some kind of livable balance around here, and I’m definitely still feeling my way. Fortunately, my husband is super-supportive and usually willing to take the kids so I can have concentrated writing time (which, for me, is crucial. I can’t write when I’m being interrupted every five minutes with tea parties, homework help, requests for something to drink, tattling, etc. etc. etc.). Without my husband, I wouldn’t get anything done.

I am a big Boppy/sling fan too, Susan! Too funny. My daughter, at three, still likes to cuddle up with her ratty yellow Boppy.
Trish Milburn
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:19 pm:

I’m late to the party today because I was — ta dah — writing. I honestly don’t know how you moms do it. I don’t have any kiddies, and I still stay so incredibly busy. I guess you just do what has to be done.

Susan, I have a hard time figuring out the logistics of showering and reading. Of course, it might prove impossible for me because I’m in there without my glasses and the world is consequently a blur.
Nancy N.
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 5:56 pm:

Christine–LOL at your son’s performance! He may be too smart for his own good . Hiding wasn’t perfect for me, either, but I was lucky because the dh would take over for a while. It was always a tough choice, though, because I was working full-time and wanted to spend time with him, too.

Caren–should have known you couldn’t resist. That was too funny!

Gannon, there’s a reason our son knew how to say “the story of Robin [the Boy Wonder, Batman's buddy] and how he came to be” before he was five. . He can still sing “Batman Smells,” the Joker’s version of “Jingle Bells.” Which is a little scary–the fact that he remembers it, I mean.

Susan, I’ve been mulling over this reading in the shower thing. Where do you put the book while you actually do shower business? I used to know some people who claimed to eat cookies in the shower–which I think would be easier.

Dawn Halliday, congratulations! That’s quite a coup!
Aunty Cindy
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 6:21 pm:

Christine and Susan, MAJOR KUDOS to both of you for writing with the kidlets and especially for ADMITTING how difficult it can be!

I wrote my first novel when my son was 3. I wrote every night after I put him down at 9 pm until my hubby got home shortly after midnight (he worked swing shift). Three glorious uninterrupted hours! My son was a “good sleeper” and I had no idea how very lucky I was until my nieces came for a visit. I put all 3 kidlets down at 9 and my son was asleep by 9:05 as always. My nieces spent the next 2 hours getting up or calling out, “Aunt Cindy! I need a drink/to go potty/the light on/light off/a story…” ACK! After that I realized what a jewel my child was, at least in regard to bedtime. LOL!

I started writing seriously again when my son was 18 and he was a far bigger pain in every way! He was constantly interrupting me and whining about needing to use the computer. Luckily he had a job, and even luckier, I helped him move into his first apartment when he was 20. Nope, not gonna win any awards for my maternal instincts here either.
Fedora
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 6:59 pm:

Christine and Susan! Loved your post today–it IS hard to make time for yourself as a mom! In fact, my youngest is sitting on my lap right now, wanting his turn to type… I’ve made good use of potty time, and do sometimes let the kids watch “just one more thing” off the TiVo (OT–LOVE the TiVo–how did I live without it?) to try to sneak in just a few more pages, or to check on one more blog If I really want uninterrupted time, I have to wait until after the kids go to bed, although that’s far from foolproof, as AC mentioned! Seriously, my hats off to all you working moms–it’s amazing what you’ve gotten done, and big hooray for you all! Write on so we can read on (wait while I go put on another episode of Little Einsteins )
Denise Rossetti
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 6:59 pm:

Oh Aunty Cindy, thank heavens for you and Caren and so many mothers here! And yes, the teenage years are difficult too, but in a different way. And you know, my darling Mum still worries about me. Even now. *sigh*

I think we should do a SALUTE TO GRANDPARENTS, particularly grandmas. Don’t know what I would have done without them, especially my Mum and my delightful mother-in-law. Wonderful women, and sanity savers for me. One or the other would take the Gruesome Twosome one afternoon a week when I was at work. And the result? – not only was I totally confident they were safe and happy, my kids developed the closest most loving relationships with both sets of grandparents. What a beautiful gift for everyone. *wipes tear from eye*

And Anna and everyone, I’m actually NOT a tall person, not by any means. I’m short and small. But I wear very high heels. Red. *evil grin* I’ll be in San Francisco for RWA, so Anna and I will stand back to back and you can see. She’ll be the one singing Shirley Bassey.
Kim
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 7:53 pm:

Christine and Susan, thank you both so much for another awesome day with the Banditas! I hope everyone has a great week end and I’ll see ya Monday!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:03 pm:

Hi Aunty Cindy! Welcome back to the lair. Just had to go shopping *wink, wink* but I’m back now and it looks like we’re just about to wrap this up. Thanks for your support! I understand about teenagers being annoying but at least you can tell them to go away:) Whether it works or not is another matter, I’m sure. Actually, Paula Roe, who writes for Harlequin, devised a special doorknob do not disturb sign for writers. It’s great, only mine can’t read and even if they could they’d pay no attention anyway.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:11 pm:

Ooh, Fedora, Little Einsteins is fantastic, isn’t it? My 4yo loves jumping in his rocket and flying off with them on a mission.
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:13 pm:

Denise, I’ll definitely second the salute to grandmas. My mother is an absolute champion and I’ve relied on her a lot in the last year. Dh’s mother lives too far away but she’s willing to mind them when she’s here. You’d think they’d have had enough by now, wouldn’t you?
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:14 pm:

Thanks so much for having us on RNTV today, Kim, Maria and Marisa! We’ve had a wonderful time:)
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:28 pm:

Sorry I’ve been AWOL these past couple hours everybody
Susan Seyfarth
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 8:29 pm:

Sorry I’ve been AWOL these past couple hours everybody! The hours between waking up from nap &putting them to bed are always brutal, even more so when my husband’s out of town. But the darlings are asleep, & I just wanted to tell you all how much I enjoyed hanging out with you today! Thanks so much for having us!
Joanie T
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:16 pm:

Christine and Susan,

Great as always to visit with you! Ya’ll crack me up!

But I know you’re both great writers and great mothers!
Christine Wells
on Jan 25th, 2008
@ 9:35 pm:

Aw, thanks, Joanie T. You’re lovely.
Caren Crane
on Jan 26th, 2008
@ 7:20 am:

Teenagers – that’s a whole other blog! Kids go through this lovely phase from about 8 – 13 when they really don’t need much from you. Then they hit the teen years and you really have to up your game! My husband (poor thing) was sort of under the impression that teenagers would be more self-sufficient. Hahahaha!! Little did he know that beyond ATM and taxi services, they would love to be independent! That is why you have to keep reeling them back in. Explore, young one – now, come back! If you don’t keep chasing after them and reeling them back in, they drift farther and farther away. That is when the trouble starts. So, let them explore in those golden middle years, when they still want your company. Then, when they decide you are the stupidest parent(s) in the universe, keep chasing them down and pulling them close. They grow up and leave soon enough!

Caren (mother of an almost-22-year-old, who I still force to endure our company at times *g*)
KJ Howe
on Jan 27th, 2008
@ 6:48 am:

Fabulous post! Gives me even more respect for moms who write! Your humor and dedication inspire me…next time I’m dragging my feet, I’m going to think about typing while nursing…ah, maybe not. LOL Great job banditas!
Christine Wells
on Jan 27th, 2008
@ 4:49 pm:

Caren–that sounds like excellent advice. I’ll try to remember it when my two little heroes have grown.

KJ–great to see you back from Puerto Rico! Thanks for commenting.
barbara_bergin
on Jan 27th, 2008
@ 9:47 pm:

I have just recently become an empty nester and honestly, I think I was a more efficient writer when the kids were around. Late nights, after they went to bed, I couldn’t wait to get to my computer to start writing. Now, it’s like I have a million things to do with plenty of time to do them and I get around to writing when I feel like it. There’s no urgency. I was better when there was urgency.

Barbara Bergin
author of “Endings”
http://www.BarbaraBerginInk.com
Christine Wells
on Jan 28th, 2008
@ 4:31 am:

Hi Barbara! Yes, I think there’s a lot to be said for being so busy you simply can’t procrastinate when you do get a chance to write. Many people say they are no more productive when they give up their day job than they were before.
Young Girls Young Teens Angus Young
on Apr 25th, 2008
@ 12:57 pm:

Young Girls Young Teens Angus Young…

I can not agree with you in 100% regarding some thoughts, but you got good point of view…